God, sensationalism, and life

God, sensationalism, and life

God is a sensation. And He is sensational too. This fellow has a knack for springing surprises at the most unexpected time. Every time in the midst of writing a post as I am constructing a really difficult but interesting sentence, the phone will ring… and with my left hand I just pick it up and after the mandatory swishes, say in a heavy slur because all my body’s forces are busy formulating that sentence, ‘Hello.’

Nothing happens. Just some whirr and other sounds that lull the mind into waiting for something to happen. Then suddenly after a few indescribable sounds, a voice asks in the worst possible accent, ‘I am from halp for childrain.’

‘I’m already drained,’ I tell her and add, ‘Not interested.’ I disconnect the call even as the tele-seller on the other side prepares her appeal with the mandatory ‘sir’ added to it. I just mutter, ‘Hey Bhagwan!’ I look up and add, ‘That sentence has already disappeared down the drain, God… now you need to ‘halp’ your ‘childrain’ in need.’

So yes, God has made sure that there are surprises hidden for us everywhere. Take this very moment… and as I completed the last sentence there was a tell-tale ‘ting!’ telling me that a new mail has arrived in my Gmail inbox. So I left this post wherever it was and putting a full-stop after ‘everywhere’ I hurriedly opened the browser and there is this mail that only God could’ve sent that had as its subject: ‘Discover a secluded paradise.’

What will you do if this happens to you? Will you go back to that post that you were writing or open the mail to see if there was a link to a contest that just might send you off to this paradise, wherever it was? Well, I opened the mail and found it was a travel sales mail selling you New Zealand. And the Pakistanis and the Indians think Kashmir is the only place qualifying to be called paradise. The jihadis too need to subscribe to all these travel agent’s mailing list and they’ll know if paradise is over-hyped or not.

You agree now that God throws at us these unexpected interludes… and we keep leaving the track we are walking on to try and move away from our path to catch them. We run into the wilderness and many times forget where our path was and begin creating a new one. I mean, a path must exist or we won’t move forward. Writers call this a writer’s block as they leave one unfinished post to begin another after God has zapped their mind with some surprise. But then I never call unfinished posts a gift of writer’s block… I simply say, ‘God doesn’t want this completed yet. There are some vital facts that he still needs to Whatsapp me.’

Well, I worship sensationalism. I mean writers need sensationalism for every little piece that they are writing or are planning to write. For instance, what is Sachin Tendulkar without the sensational and scintillating performance on the pitch? So we call him God. Babas are also Bhagwans or Gods because they introduce sensationalism in the dreary lives of their flock. Even a few grams of ‘holy’ ash appearing on their palm is enough for people to kowtow and remind their grandchildren scores of years later, ‘I met God once, you know.’ Doctors become Gods with small sentences uttered, ‘Your arteries are going to ditch you any moment now… and you are literally walking with a cobra in your pocket! But don’t worry, I know what will bring the bounce back. Just deposit the fee and come back.’ Well, the doctors take all your money and yet we revere them and say, ‘I’m alive because of him. He is God!’ Look at politicians… they will fill your mind with plans of a clean India and probably walk away with all the money you ever had – and they are Gods because all they’ve cleaned is the national treasury. There are millions who worship some Amma or Didi or behen ji or Tau or Aunty, or bhaiya ji… and they are introduced to the family as another God who can lead them away from all perceived evil in life. Even DIGs are Gods for their orderlies. So are bureaucrats and engineers and accountants. Sometimes even Gods admit to having Gods… and we find ministers afraid of the Godly powers of the CAG and saying, ‘God mustn’t sensationalise everything!’ Well, we are literally surrounded by Gods.

I am a mere writer… and still wondering which God to opt for. All I know is that I love each of these Gods because of their inherent power to create a sensation at a moment’s notice. Almost like Arnab Goswami does on the TV screen… he can make the person with the right opinion sit gagged and sensationalise a debate! Now even the Shahi Imam has decided to join this gang and hog the front page by announcing that he won’t call Modi to the anointing of his son. They are all Gods of their own flocks! After all, if God doesn’t promote sensationalism, who will?

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Indispire_Edition 37_indiblogger

Indispire_Edition 37_indiblogger

Indispire Edition 37… on Indiblogger
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Arvind Passey
31 October 2014