Relationships creatively thrive on uncovering ‘the unheard melodies’, if I may be permitted to quote Wordsworth here… and we know of poets allowing their minds to venture forth to touch, caress, and mate with an idea before they are able to whisk it with words to write immortal lines. The sequence of the writing of poetry always starts from the meeting of a poet with an idea and then moving on to courtship and intimacy of a gonadal nature. Only after this does their relationship mature into one that sees them through a lifetime of togetherness. Well, a lot of discoveries of a lot of ‘unheard melodies’ happens during their lifetime… but it all begins with sex.

Now if a poet and an idea can boldly go in for pre-marital sex, why should mere humans want to protest?

Protests are rather useful devices… but then it is fair to bring them in when there is a wrong done. Yes, if someone has been duped into having sex before marriage, or forced, coerced, and blackmailed… then because there is an element of unwillingness involved, this becomes a crime. However, if sublimity is sought and gained, the crime is only a figment of a few repressed minds.

Pre-marital sex, however, has a few other elements that need a mention. When it is between two consenting adults who have been searching for the right partner for years AND when it happens between two people who have barely become marriageable, are two seemingly different situations that are actually similar. I mean, you cannot really say that at 21 a person is less mature and liable to take hasty or impulsive decisions can you? Impulsiveness isn’t age-bound. Neither is a thoughtful decision. Nor are slimy and concocting minds created by advancing age. So obviously, there is impulsiveness and misplaced trust that can be potentially harmful in pre-marital sex. However, it is illogical to believe that every instance of pre-marital sex comes tagged with marriage.

I believe that in sex there is a certain degree of poetry that doesn’t need the protection of marriage. I mean, can you even imagine sex that is pre-marital or otherwise, to be dry and clinical? Can it be devoid of passion?

‘No,’ you’d immediately say, ‘clinical, impassionate sex is like balancing the debit and the credit columns in a ledger. And in its worst avatar it will be a rape.’

You’ll be right if your response is anywhere near the one that I have just written. Now, passion doesn’t make its appearance out of nowhere. Believe me passion requires a lot of pampering before it starts purring… sincere pulsating stoking. Words of heartfelt appreciation. The warmth of gentle caresses. Time. Eyes peering into eyes. Smiles happening in sync. Sentences being magically completed by each other even when left incomplete. Silence in a constant communication. Some people call this love… I don’t know if they are right, but all I know is that when a relationship reaches this stage, pre-marital sex doesn’t remain obscene.

So what matters is the absence of obscenity from sex… any form that you have in mind. Obscenity and abhorrence are from the same stable… and they bray together. Passion and sex, on the other hand, pray together. And I do not find anything wrong in pre-marital sex, the way I have defined it.

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Readers will find this post equally interesting:
Never finished, only abandoned

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Photograph clicked by Arvind Passey at Louvre in Paris.

Photograph clicked by Arvind Passey at The Louvre in Paris.

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Poonaam Uppal’s True Love – A Mystical True Love Story on Flipkart

Indiblogger contest: YES or NO to Pre-Marital Sex

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Arvind Passey
21 December 2014