What happens when a mere declaration becomes a debate and then a way of life? Well, we probably see Delhi evolving as a wonder of the world where an odd genetic abnormality decides not to inflict one born on an even day… after all, one cannot afford to go against politics that ruled the past! We are lucky we are in the declaration and debate phase of this wonderful era. We will probably escape without having to adjust our lives to all the odd-and-even philosophies that the future has in store for Generation O&E.
You think I’m joking? You think this odd-and-even enigma will remain limited to cars and two-wheelers? Ah! You’re probably in a blissful world of ignorance because evolution doesn’t work this way. It begins as ripples, turns into waves and finally gobbles up life as we know it by becoming a tsunami. Just let your mind cross over to the future after some such tsunami has hit Delhi. Be with me as I bring snippets from the future for you.
Let’s first visit the Delhi Assembly where the politicians are throwing words at each other.
‘That happens even today? What is so strange about this?’
‘Aha! Pay more attention, my friend. Listen to the words they’re flinging at each other. Disgust, silly, idiot, andha, and gadha are reserved for one day and stupid, paranoid, mindless, punk, and puny for the next. What do think this is all about?’
Come on, even abuses and accusations hurled at each other will need to be in accordance to the newest amendment in the law and follow the odd and even spelling clause. So while gadha is fine for the odd day, a donkey is used on the even day. Well, this doesn’t seem to be such a bad arrangement as both forms suit the politicians, right?
I guess it was decided at some point that words were causing an equally grave impact on the pollution index invading the Capital and so the decision.
‘Come, look at that book that the girl there is reading. Isn’t she turning the pages too fast?’
‘Yes, maybe she is a super speed reader.’
‘No, she is reading just as fast as you and me today. But that futuristic book in her hands is specially designed for odd and even days.’
Well, the first ones to wake up to the marketable reality of the new law of odd and even were, as usual, the authors and the publishers. They thought of an innovation for a book with short-stories for odd and even days. So every odd page has a separate story running and every even page has another story there. Now, if it is an even day, readers choose to read only the even pages… they can’t do otherwise because the law forbids them to read what is written on an odd page on an even day! So this fabulous law of odd and even isn’t limited to just vehicles on the roads of Delhi but will permeate to our genetic mosaic of social matrix.
There is a certain beauty to everything and I guess if a certain colour scheme is designated for clothes in the odd months, there is bound to be another for the even months. Such uniformity in fashion sensibilities is so soothing to the economy because the depraved sections of our wonderful society will have the advantage of wearing the same colour choices that the social butterflies don… and the Page 3 will no longer create cravings that are unavailable. Shops selling clothes and boutiques will obviously stock the colours of the month and the economy will happily chug on. And before I forget, shops and stores will sell only in odd numbers on odd days and in even numbers on even days… so if you want to buy only one orange and it is an odd day, you just might have to buy two or wait for another day!
‘Will this affect the trains and flights to Delhi, O great equaliser of social impartiality?’
Ah! The joy of trains and planes coming from the east on one day and from the West the other day is bound to be a boon to the planners of rail journeys as well as the Air Traffic Controllers. All this makes life so disciplined for tour operators and even shops selling souvenirs as they know that they only need to adjust their displays and punchlines for Mumbaikars on one day and change them to a defined pattern for the crowds deboarding from Kolkata on another day. No more domination of any confusion of the fusion of East and West.
Yes, the rallies and dharnas in the Capital too will need to be oriented to follow this rule and you only need to reset your imagination to see the big advantage of it all. A ‘fast until death’ will apply on only the odd or even days opted by people like Anna and he need not miss his breakfast on the other day! No more will there be a panic of the parliamentarians to break someone’s fast as dying will no longer be a viable option. I tell you, this law of odd and even is more beneficial than you can imagine today.
Listen, even in schools and colleges, classes with odd and even number of students will need to attend only on their days. The rest of the days will be holidays for them and what is bad about sitting at home for half the week? You were always cribbing about your work-load, weren’t you? Good for both the students as well as the teachers.
Therefore, I find all the hullaballoo about not being able to take out your car with a registration number that ends with an odd number on an even day quite funny. Everyone will hail the long-sightedness of the man who was called AK-49 by another who rose in political ranks from being a mere chai-wala. If you still think this odd-and-even rule is ludicrous, go on and blame the mathematicians who gave you numbers. Philolaus in c.425 BC wrote that ‘numbers are of two special kinds, odd and even, with a third, even-odd, arising from a mixture of the two.’ Now I don’t want Kejriwal to read this part or the future of odd-and-even stands doomed, but let me just add that even the Pythogoreans knew the distinction between odd and even numbers… and now imagine how long it has taken to translate all this into one cohesive management principle. And we need to be proud that this new revolution is going to start here in Delhi.
09 December 2015