When someone announces to a crowd of people to be wary of a snake that may bite, there are a few things that aren’t yet clear…
1. Who or what is cast as a snake?
2. Is the snake a habitual biter?
3. Is the bite going to be dangerous or fatal?
4. Would the bitten ask for more?
5. Is there any incentive offered to the snake?
6. Is the bite the doings of a corrupt snake?
7. Is there lobbying involved at any stage?
…and a last, but really relevant question:
8. Who bit whom?
The snake and its bite get more interesting once I let you know that I intend to introduce another element in this analysis: marriage! The preliminary idea for this article bit me when I read a facebook update by a friend Neha Verma (and she certainly doesn’t slither nor hiss!). her update: Arranged Marriage is something like this ‘While u r walking, unfortunately a snake bites u’ but Love Marriage is like ‘Dancing in front of the snake & shouting, aaja Kaat le… kaat le…’ (aaja Kaat le is Hindi for ‘come, bite me’)
No, this isn’t going to be yet another article on arranged marriages vs love marriages… so there will be no quotes from writers and analysts like Marian Salzman or Reva Seth. There won’t be any of the cliched jokes on either of the two systems that just don’t seem to get off the forwarded bandwagon. There also won’t be any sermonizing on either.
My concern circles around the questions mentioned at the start of this article and I was surprised to find that I could find only more questions as answers for each of them. let me list them all for you.
1. Who or what is cast as a snake?
Is marriage reptilian in nature? Are attitudes and behaviours of partners in marriage inclined to get poisonous? Is a particular gender being equated to a snake? Does intent hiss? Has anyone yet discovered growling and barking snakes?
2. Is the snake a habitual biter?
Whoever coined ‘love bites’ couldn’t really have stumbled upon the genetics of marriage? Would this snake bite as a serial killer kills? Would this snake bite in self-defense? Are habitual biters the real reason behind male:female ratios going haywire?
3. Is the bite going to be dangerous or fatal?
What is the real intent of the bite? Is villainy being forced on a simple googly-woogly smoochy bite? Would every bite really have the power to kill? Is there a campaign going to to misrepresent a bite? Can’t bites be used to promote love?
4. Would the bitten ask for more?
Are bites addictive? Do the bitten develop anti-bodies and thus resistance? Is there a possibility of reality show producers picking up ‘bites’ as a subject or theme in times to come? Would getting bit evolve into a fashion? Will bite-ability be a necessary qualification for finding a life partner?
5. Is there any incentive offered to the snake?
Why would the snake really want to bite? Is biting a profitable venture? Will venture capitalists enter the ‘bitten-n-bites’ arena on smelling big business here? Does a good bite lead to good food or good sex?
6. Is the bite the doings of a corrupt snake?
Did someone of CWG-OC fame first bite his wife? Is a particular CM a specialist in biting? Has anyone observed netas and babus biting to prove their eligibility before they got married? Do MCD, DDA and other such institutions all over the world conduct a BAT (Bite Aptitude Test)?
7. Is there lobbying involved at any stage?
Are the tattoo artists behind bitten-n-bites promotion? Are the promoters of hissindi or hisslish involved? Is it Big B lobbying for a bitten-n-bites TV show? Are politicians from West Bengal behind this Biting hullabaloo and having a hidden agenda to respell ‘world’ as ‘Borld’?
8. Who bit whom?
Is it really a reptile biting a human?
How does one conclude an article that leads you nowhere but a cacophonous amphitheater where the entire universe seems to be looking for answers and solutions? A marriage isn’t necessarily between two humans… it is actually between two bites creating a new universe!
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Arvind Passey
16 December 2010
Featured image credit: aichan25
