Let us look at life from a germ’s vantage point. They’re a happy lot today. The air around us in urban and rural India is pregnant with vehicles that help them travel long distances for free. The environmentalist calls them PM 2.5 or PM 10 or PM anything else but they are not just empty particulate matter floating but have germs clinging to them as stowaways or hitching an almost free ride. A ride that is probably free of risks as well. Open your car window for a few seconds and they simply float in clinging to particles that may or may not be visible, looking for some sort of a human substrate to multiply and cause havoc. The situation is grave. And yes, I must not forget to write that they do not use Paytm or plastic money to pay for their rides. ‘Wash them off with the best hand wash,’ say the opinion leaders through full-page advertisements and then add, ‘because this is the least you can do to counter this invasion!’

Then there are those germs that are waiting patiently on the currency notes that have been trounced by the government. Philosophers and political scientists would add that some of them are firmly entrenched in the minds of the corrupt as well. This specie of germs that infects minds exists in variants as diverse as you care to assume and it is believed that a reasonably good solution is to go cashless and use online means, if possible. Will I be wrong in calling it the ‘hand wash online’ solution for our present day ills? I am not really surprised to find so many vloggers uploading short videos showing them washing even the new currency notes with water! ‘Wash them off! Wash them off!’… is the new chant gaining ground rapidly.

Even our journalists are completely germified, if I’m allowed to use this term… look at the way they hop from one scam to another and you’ll know the extent to which they are drowning their texts and audio-visual presentations with infected details. They are not alone, for sure. The soaps that the television airs have a focus on concepts that need to be clinically annihilated and not promoted. But they go on and on and on and such episodes literally wage an unending battle all the time. The builders are, of course, doing their bit in GERMinating the planet. The common man driving their vehicles on footpaths too is in this race and is making an all-out effort to make sure that no one walking or jogging is left without breathing in particles loaded with germs. The story is about germs everywhere – inside homes and offices, on the streets, on playfields, and even in ideas. They need to be liquidated, and if it suits you, you may as well use some ‘liquid hand soap’ or ‘liquid wash soap’ if that pleases you. Liquidate the germs, dammit! Do it fast.

Germs, let me just say, are everywhere. Even on gold bars and tainted properties. They have managed to gain access even to the innocuous looking jan-dhan accounts in our banks. The long queues with everyone breathing on each other are openly and shamelessly transferring them to places they think are safe. But hey! No place is safe from germs.

So what do we do? Do we let this invasion of germs go unchecked? Do we allow them to gnaw at our peace of mind? Do we just sit and watch germs thrive on all that we have painstakingly built? We cannot just shout ‘statue!’ and expect germs to freeze in mid-air. We are already playing a callous and near fatal game of hide-and-seek with them and the germs are enjoying seeking us out… there is no place to hide from them, by the way. Germs are getting smarter too. So we need to out-smart the smarter germs… and the solution is simple to understand and execute. Look for some master-blaster hand wash and wash your hands off them!

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Look for some master-blaster hand wash and wash your hands off them!

Look for some master-blaster hand wash and wash your hands off them!

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Arvind Passey
2 November 2016