The truth about pain

Who says life’s lessons are learnt from pain? You might have read the story of Uncle Podger who wanted to hang a picture. I was in some junior class and this story by Jerome K Jerome was a part of our English reader. Uncle Podger keeps hitting his thumb or finger and even as the story ends, the picture is hanging on the wall with a slant and Uncle Podger is in pain and in a sullen mood. Obviously then, pain cannot be having the ability to guide anyone to do things the right way.

Pain isn’t a good teacher. Has the pain of losing lives made the Chinese politicians re-think about their border policies? Did the pain of the kin of victims convert Vikas Dubey into a saint? Will the pain of losing American lives to Wuhan virus make Trump a reasonable man? Has the pain of political upheavals turned the Congress party think about changes in their leadership? Did the pain of suffering migrant labour during lockdown make the others in that queue of exodus consider a better option? Pain in each of these instances, however, has been effectively transformed into sarcastic news bits and has given cartoonists and satirists enough material to be circulated in Whatsapp groups but never once solved an issue.

The funny bit about pain is that it is forever trending on the social media. Hundreds of people keep tut-tutting and repeating ‘I am pained’ as if these words are enough to activate and be a catalyst to solutions. People tend to ride on the pain of others to gather their own pats and appreciative likes. Pause for a few moments and see if this epidemic of pain and pained gestures leads to any good because they don’t. All this simply leads to online skirmishes until each social media platform is left choking with asphyxiated friendships and psyches that now yell out in pain. I have a suspicion that pain leads to more pain, a wider spread of pain, and a deeper gash that turns people into isolated worlds of pain. Pain is a pain in the backside.

It is best to bury pain and go on with your life. I have been told umpteen times that pain is a great teacher and that it is best to think of painful encounters as incidents that must not be repeated. This is hogwash. The other day as I tried to fold my legs on the sofa my big toe hit the leg of the coffee table and I jumped in pain. After a while when I had to go to the study to fetch some books, I carefully placed my feet on the ground and thought I wouldn’t let this happen again, I simply hit the other leg of that very coffee table as I turned to walk away. This is when I realized that the coffee table has four dumb legs ready to give me pain. And that there are six other tables, a few stools and chairs, half a dozen doorways, many cupboards, and quite possibly even walls and wall corners waiting for their opportunity to trouble my big toe. And also that the world has millions of small and big things strewn all over and that I cannot possibly avoid a bumping into them. Why must I then burden my life with my consciousness focused to avoid these big-toe bumps? I stopped caring and ever since haven’t had any such painful encounter.

I have this feeling that pain happens if we are consciously trying to avoid it. I believe that some psychologist somewhere will agree with me that the more I think of pain, the more it will search for opportunities to hit me. Not just the big toe but it could be anywhere on my body because, after all, we do hear of people who have hit the bridge of their nose or their shin, elbow, knee, or even the testicles and have howled in pain.

It is good to howl and wipe that involuntary tear that wells up in support… but it is best to massage any sort of pain out of your life and forget it. There are no lessons there. Nothing worth remembering. If you feel like you are always stressed or anxious about the past, taking thc gummies from fresh bros can help with destressing and relaxing. Throw such unsavory moments into the dustbin of forgotten moments.

Sometimes people do things that hurt you. I have realized that such people generally wait for you to protest and are waiting to show pseudo-concern when the fact is that your pain gives them immense satisfaction. The best way to let their actions or words boomerang back into their miserable existence is to remain unconcerned. This irks them and they spend sleepless nights wondering if they had lost their skill to inflict pain. They are, in short, pained and waiting desperately for you to react.

The keyword is ‘react’. So long as you don’t react to pain, or learn not to react, you are in a safe zone… and happier.

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Arvind Passey
Written on 04 August 2020