Interviewing a bulldozer

If you think it was easy to fix an interview with a bulldozer, think umpteen times. These massive machines have no time these days as a zillion sarkari farmaans (government notices) make a beeline to them even before they are fully awake. No coffee or fresh lime in tepid water for them. They must rush without delay to wherever their escort wants them to be. It is not easy to carry so much weight either and so roll along slowly and noisily… and I decided to jog along with one. This bulldozer sighed, as they often do, but asked me to go ahead and ask it any question, warning me that the interview time would cease the moment it reaches its destination.

Me: Let me begin with your destination for the day. Is it to construct or to wreck?

Bulldozer: Hmmm… interesting question as in a way we construct. We create mounds of rubble. Then it is up to humans to do whatever they wish to do with it.

Me: Have you ever seen the sort of wrecked lives that you sometimes create in the process?

Bulldozer: I see only targets. Had I been in the times when Arjuna pierced the eye of a fish, I might have expected an honorable comparison in that epic.

Me: But you have made it to the headlines in the dailies… though for all the wrong reasons, I must add. You aren’t just any bulldozer anymore. You are either a Bulldozer mama or a Baba ka Bulldozer in most dispatches. People are even talking about Bulldozer justice, Bulldozer democracy, and Bulldozer constitution these days. Twitter is full of these terms. At this rate you might overtake the power stances of any God on earth. What do you have to say to this?

Bulldozer: I’ve heard about these nicknames. Frankly, I was rather proud of one of my cousins from UP who was photographed while lifting a bicycle there. But I do not understand the other monikers so much. And I also do not understand why that gentle lady – some bystander called her Brinda – gesticulated angrily at me. Wasn’t I simply doing what I was asked to do? I think I should have been garlanded as the worker of the month, if not an entire year or decade.

Me: This is because you have been wrecking homes. And livelihoods. And lives too. Have you never noticed people lying down on the ground and imploring to be spared? I know you do not see other things while at work, but have you never heard their cries? You did not hear Fatima and Jamila cry? You never heard toddlers weep disconsolately? You did not notice people panicking because their meagre belongings got buried in the rubble that you so conscientiously caused?

Bulldozer: I only remember Boris Johnson patting my back.

Me: What do you think you are doing at work?

Bulldozer: Well… lets see… I am breaking, shattering, pushing, digging, ditching, shoveling, excavating, moving, removing scraping …and I believe, also dragging and uprooting. (The bulldozer uttered these terms with obvious pride in its voice).

Me: Don’t you think these terms have a villainous…

Bulldozer: Wwwait… I believe I am instrumental in transforming lives.

Me: Indeed, you are. But these are times when your attempts to transform lives is seen as the machinations of an evil mind. Aren’t you being unjust with your assessment of yourself?

Bulldozer: Villainous? I am aghast at your calling me a villain. Tell me why you insist on calling me a rogue.

Me: I can answer that. But I want you to think and answer. I am interviewing you… remember? How can you ever justify uprooting people from their homes?

Bulldozer: (After some thoughtful rumbles) That’s a tricky question… and I can’t even walkout as most politicians do when they are provoked. Or foxed, whatever be the case.

This bulldozer seemed distracted by my questions and nearly went off-road when its driver switched it off for a moment, announcing that he needed a tea-break. I thought it was a good omen as I would now get some additional time with the bulldozer that was still in a thoughtful posture.

Bulldozer: I have been recollecting a few stray bits of conversation that I over-heard some time back. Someone did mention that razing illegal encroachments was in order. Do you think this could be right?

Me: Well, every action, even for removing illegal encroachment needs to follow a certain procedure. Did you notice your handlers going with these legal documents?

Bulldozer: Ha! Ha! Procedures, eh? You think I don’t know my handlers? (The tone of this bulldozer switched to a conspiratorial whisper here) I’ve been told by my community that these people sometimes remove critical components to prove that major repairs are warranted. You see, my clique of handlers aren’t the maintenance type. They are the repair sorts as that spells money to be pocketed. And then, they are also prepared to file my family to the condemnation committee as that is what makes their collaborators in purchase drool.

Me: This isn’t a secret really. But let us not digress from the real questions. Do you think bulldozing should be resorted to only when it is confirmed that the cause is just and leads to joy all over?

Bulldozer: Yes, of course. (By this time, the driver was back and the slow journey to some new destination had begun) This includes countering the onslaught of illegal encroachments… in a legal, procedure-following way, of course. Hey, I just remembered, aren’t you humans fond of forcibly taking-over smaller or helpless companies struggling to stay afloat? Isn’t that too called bulldozing? You people do this without me. See, my name is being dragged into this mess for no reason. There is more I want to say. So wait until I go over this pothole here as I need to be careful not to drop any critical component and get into my handler’s condemnation list.

Bulldozer (after some tense moments): Yes, I agree that bulldozing to target helpless people isn’t right at all. Like us, even human harmony needs quite a bit of effort in maintenance and…

Me: And…?

Bulldozer: Well, I am not as intelligent as you humans are… but I think the religion of condemnation needs to go. Go away, I mean. Discarded. Thrown away.

This was when the bulldozer asked me what it could do to get out of the disruptive plan that was now seemingly its destiny. I said I had no ideas to share but added that it must give it a thought. And so, the bulldozer decided to chuck a few of its already loose and rattling critical components into the next pothole. The bulldozer knew it would be condemned but in its metallic wisdom this seemed to be the best alternative for now.

Bulldozer: (whispered to me before it finally came to a dead stop) Being in a condemnation list is better than being condemned by humans who suffer! Goodbye, my friend. May your tribe remain… what’s the word… safe.

I am sure the word it was searching for was secular.

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Arvind Passey
26 April 2022