The song of the artsy cow

The song of the artsy cow

Some say that getting rid of indoor pollution is a fantasy and exists only in fiction, in movies, in government files, and a zealous mind. I disagree. I’ve been taking a lot of positive steps at home and we are probably as far away from pollution and their side-effects as possible. But there is always scope to get better. My real war against pollution began when an artsy cow visited us.

An artsy cow? Now what is this?

It is as much a cow as cows can be… though this one, I suspect, is created from papier-mâché and has a four-petal drawings on its body. This artsy cow has looks of disbelief and I think this is because she has been seeing all the wrong actions being taken by people all over the country. This makes her rather well-traveled and what surprised me was that she spoke in rhymes. And, therefore, I call her an artsy cow.

I was standing on my seventh floor balcony when she appeared on the ledge. I was startled and murmured: ‘Am I dreaming?’

The artsy cow:

No, you aren’t dreaming nor asleep, my friend
But know that truth from fantasy is now a trend!

The moo-rap of an artsy cow_the start

This poetic response startled me more, but I decided to take this game further and replied:

Who are you, all milk and dung and moo?
Do I accept you here or just say shoo?

The artsy cow:

If you think I’m meant for just milk and dung
You haven’t yet heard the pollution song I’ve sung!

Now this got me terribly interested and I asked, in a rhyme of course:

You who chew cud and swish your tail
Would you understand our pollution wail?
And if you really know all this
You may start with a definition, miss.

The artsy cow obviously knew her subject well. She began her song in what I now call the moo-rap or the song of the artsy cow.

The artsy cow:

Indoor pollutants have chemical genes
Like benzenes, xylenes, and toluenes
Formaldehydes, ethylene glycols, and methylene chloride
And tetra-chloroethylene beside.
Some make eyes bleary
Spread nausea and dizziness around
Respiratory disorders aren’t cheery
And headaches abound.
There is more in this song, so hang on
Or with pollution you too shall be gone!

Now that you know that I know of pollution a lot
Will you mind my being teacher and you the taught?

The moo-rap of an artsy cow_dust in books

Now I was really interested, and said:

Go ahead, dear cow, and tell me more
And if speak well, you’ll get a good score.

The artsy cow:

The VOCs, let me just say
Are volatile organic compounds of this day
They’re doing their indoor rounds
And are as demonic as this song sounds.
In carpets, adhesives, varnishes, and freshners
Furniture, cosmetics, upholstery, and cleaners
They’re all around the home and say
Buy me now and you’ll have a great day!
But beware! They can cause great harm
Goes way beyond their material charm!

Freshners and repellents have terpene and pthalates
That are for asthma like fragrance as baits
Even candles, I’d say, from paraffin wax
Are like the proverbial fatal health tax!

The moo-rap of an artsy cow_on paints and varnish pollutants

I was astounded at her knowledge and said:

You do seem to know a lot. Tell more, I pray
If you’re good I’ll ask you in and let you stay.

I haven’t yet mentioned this, but this artsy cow quite literally flew to various spots inside my home and recited her lines at the spots that needed attention. She then went on:

Formaldehyde, as I’ve said in another verse
Comes with boards of all types and drapes for worse
This colourless gas that binds with wood
Troubles lungs and throat and is no good
Even cancer appears if you inhale day and night
But there are actions to set it all right.
Gypsum board and steel may seem like apes
But protect you from pollution rapes.
Wash curtains and drapes rather frequently
And in time good health you shall see.

The moo-rap of an artsy cow_of detergents and cleaning liquids

‘Interesting,’ I shouted, ‘You’re doing well, artsy cow. Please go on.

The artsy cow just looked at me and went on:

Detergents for clothes, floors and rooms
Are the reason why toxicity everywhere grooms.
So use hot water to wash and clean
Add baking soda to give them a sheen.

Smoking, we know, is the head of this gang
Comes with bronchitis, pneumonia, and coughing clang
So throw the cigarettes and hookahs away
If you want your breathing to swing and sway!

The moo-rap of an artsy cow_of cleaning devices

The artsy cow paused and I said:

Is that all, my artsy cow?
Is it time now for your bow?

The artsy cow cleared her throat, moo-ed a bit as cows are normally accustomed to, and sang:

Did I forget the molds in a damp and closed house?
All the bacteria, viruses, mites, and the louse?
Forgotten the times when cold, cough, red eyes, and rash
Trounced you in a biological bash?
You forgot to clean air ducts, fix leaks
And allowed them to enter like sneaky sickness geeks.
Come on now, get the fresh air in
No circulation in a home is a cardinal sin.

I listened, let these facts sink in and said:

The problems are defined, but answers are what I need
For us humans will you now be the guiding breed?

The artsy cow gave me a look of approval and said:

Sure, there are answers and solutions too
Many, I’d say, not just a few
If I may say, plants come running to our rescue.
Go, spread some joy with rosemary and mint
Even lemongrass and basil are an added hint.

Open all doors and windows in your home
Dust and clean, then freely roam
Control the Celsius and the moisture too
To pollution then you can holler shoo!

If you ask me what I’d love to do
I’ll opt for potted plants, not one or two
Aloe vera, bamboos, spider plant, and lily
And organic potpourris and this too isn’t silly
No strong smells must be anywhere
Just organic and nature-loving care!

I had no option but to say:

I’ll do all you say, O holy cow
Remember your rhymes with a moo and a wow!

A few of these are already there, you see
And my home, from pollution, is already free
But there is more to do and I know this too
The walls of my home need paint-coats new.

The artsy cow sighed, took me to my laptop and opened the page that you see in this picture, and sang:

Indoor air is five times deadlier
Than the air outside, is that clear?
And paints can undo all the good done
But Royale Atmos is more than just fun
Foul smells are absorbed, the air is fresh
And you’re out of any polluted mesh!
Go for Asian Paints to make the walls shine
And pollution won’t say: This home is mine!

The moo-rap of an artsy cow_the Royale Atmos song

The artsy cow is now a permanent resident in my home and let me add here that she is available for her moo-rap performances by anyone who is interested. After hearing the artsy cow’s moo-rap, I have started feeling that the concept of #CleanAirBeautifulHomes isn’t a fantasy anymore.

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The moo-rap of an artsy cow_the kitchen rap

The moo-rap of an artsy cow_in the kitchen

The moo-rap of an artsy cow_on upholstery in the house

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Other posts on pollution that I have written:

The invasion of Bollywood villains

The criminals inside every home

Policing the language of pollution

Let us extend our stay on earth

The Da Vinci of Death

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Arvind Passey
20 September 2017