When in early nineteenth century, John Quincy Adams wrote about a great speaker becoming a leader, he forgot to tell the world that a great speaker is not necessarily a loud speaker. He can be excused because it was only another fifty odd years later that Alexander Graham Bell chucked the space between loud and speaker to gift us this monstrosity called a loudspeaker that amplifies decibels to unheard of levels and yet remain intelligible. Ever since that day, humanity has been struggling with their attempts to keep a speaker away from a loudspeaker unless it is absolutely necessary.
Loudspeakers have managed to cajole their way into conversations and newspaper columns ever since they have existed… probably because there is hardly any section of civilized society where they are not found. Places of worship encourage them giving us the impression that every immortal God that we have created must be hearing impaired, school and college fests want the entire neighborhood to know they are celebrating, fund collectors and patri-sellers want their appeals to reach even those who cannot possible yet see them, protest marches and political rallies employ them even as they talk of unemployment and other ills in society, weddings and even private parties simply cannot resist the temptation to be as loud as possible and for as long as they like… there is no escape from hearing stuff that you do not care about. With all this in mind I went into a store and asked to inspect a few loudspeakers and ended up spending some time with one as it sat on a table-top waiting eagerly to be hired.
Me: Mr. Loudspeaker sir, why do you insist on torturing us so much?
Loudspeaker: I inform, and I entertain. That is not torture, I think. Look at Doordarshan. It does the same and is applauded. What about loud-mouths in your office… and maybe, within your family or your circle of friends? Ah! And what about your TV anchors? And the zillions of dolts on twitter who have been transforming just 280 characters into decibel garbage since the 8th of November 2017? Mind you, this list is longer than you expect, what with the culture of tik-tok and reels blitzing faster than even Covid mutates.
Me: I see that you know a lot…
Loudspeaker: (without waiting for me to ask another question) I have to as I have a large family to care for now. It is not just about woofers, sub-woofers, and tweeters but we have a formidable family with outdoor and ceiling speakers, tower and satellite speakers, and even the gentler computer speakers. By the way, we are also smarter now with Bluetooth and wireless technology coming to us. So, think carefully before you ask any question that makes me call for legal aid.
Me: Legal aid? Why get into this legal muddle? I simply want to ask if we humans have the right to live without so much noise that you and your large family generate. A couple of years back when I was hiking to Triund near MacLeod Ganj I found it difficult to hear the sound of birds and the calming whistling of wind through the tall trees there. Everyone seemed to be walking along with a speaker blaring some absurd song. I know this interview has nothing to do with your smart cousins, but they are just as much a nuisance as their patriarch is… that is, you, the large conical loudspeaker is the one who unthinkingly amplifies nonsense all the time. You make our lives miserable.
Loudspeaker: Do you think this bothers me?
Me: This should bother you as your life and evolution in the world of technology depends entirely on what we humans think of you. And let me assure you that in your present avatar you are certainly not patient, kind, selfless, thoughtful, and empathic…
Loudspeaker: Ha! Ha! I forgive your harsh opinion. There now, you see how forgiving I am. I forget every harsh word that I hear. The problem is with you and your hypersensitive ego. Look at things my way. Someone tells me something and I announce it to the world. Transparency is my mantra. I never keep secrets like you do.
Me: Hmmm… the way you put it does not sound that awful.
Loudspeaker: I have more to say. I do not pinch or slap or punish you for what you ask me to do. I mean, look at the blizzard of third-rate Bollywood songs that you want me to blare all the time. Or the decibel tsunamis of hate messages. Or even unformed and immature opinions that you insist on making your own kin listen to during rallies and processions. Do you blame me for all this? Listen carefully now because though I am fed-up of your juvenile questioning of my intents, I am yet hearing you out. This is not what your politicians and administrators do. Or do they? I give you opportunities to reach out, but I never try to weed-out the nervous or the liars amongst you. I have a suggestion…
Me: Go ahead. I am listening.
Loudspeaker: You should place me in the offices of your politicians and bureaucrats. And the managers in the corporate world. And even in homes. I should be the only mode of communication between people. I have been observing humans for decades now and this is the only way you might temper your words and tone.
Me: How does this help? I am here to convince you that you need to shut up.
Loudspeaker: You are the ones who always try to hide your real intent. You have a voice that you use in public and another that you actually use. If you do not believe me, look at your own Bollywood movies where the politicians have a public voice that talks of harmony when their real orders are to disrupt it. Got it? I would go a step further… it is your subliminal thoughts that need a loudspeaker always switched on. This is the only way out the destructive stances that you humans have developed a penchant for. Your rulers must understand that the age of ‘secret agendas’ is over.
Me: Well, this is not such a bad idea… but the question about loudspeakers polluting the peaceful ambience of life still remains.
Loudspeaker: I do not mind having some kind of a sound limiter fitted in me. I do not mind if you go ahead with any law that prohibits my role between 10 PM and 6 AM. I do not mind being asked not to remain active near schools, hospitals, courts, and other places where decibels distort clear thinking and hamper your focus on tasks.
Me: This makes perfect sense. Thank you for your time, Mr. Loudspeaker.
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Arvind Passey
04 May 2022
