DPDR is a rather apt explanation of spirituality, whichever way we look at any of its implications. Spirituality indeed is ‘deadly practical, divinely romantic’ with a seamless merger of these diverse concepts! We can also call it ‘dimaag se, dil se’… to reach out to a world that spells happiness the way we want it to be! Let us get down to the details now.
Aristotle remarked: “First, have a definite, clear practical ideal; a goal, an objective. Second, have the necessary means to achieve your ends; wisdom, money, materials, and methods. Third, adjust all your means to that end.” Ideally this sums up this seemingly diverse combination of being practical and romantic at the same time. There is simply no paradox in being romantically practical as it is this combination that gives an ethereal beauty to the process that we call life!
Nothing is more practical than finding God and you can do this by falling in a love in a quite absolute, final way. What you are in love with, what grasps your mind’s eye will affect everything. It will decide what will get you out of bed in the mornings, what you will do with your evenings, how you spend your weekends, what you read, who you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude. Fall in love, stay in love, and it will decide everything. Love is what makes you take big and small steps towards success and happiness. Hence it is proved that you get to be deadly practical only if you agree to be divinely romantic!
Spirituality is also a form of excellence that can be attained if ‘you care more than others think is wise; risk more than others think is safe; dream more than others think is practical; and expect more than others think is possible.’ Yes, being careful is being practical, but can you ‘care’ unless you are a romantic? Can you play with ‘risk’, be adventurous unless you dream and ideate? Can you stretch a mere ‘dream’ to fructification unless you catalyze them with some very practical and down-to-earth actions? Can you expect more out of life if you are not deadly practical and divinely romantic? This combination does give you enough power provided you know which key to use.
The power that I am talking about is the one reclaiming personal power which means letting go learned habits of helplessness. Going beyond the role of the so-called victim, giving up The Blame Game — these are absolutely essential to practical and romantic satisfaction. To strengthen passion in your relationship, you must first cultivate passion in your own life. To be a DPDR in the real sense of the phrase you must use passion as the linking element between the practical and the romantic. It is almost like the bundles of nerves that connect both the left and the right hemispheres of the brain. You will agree that even the psychologists recommend an equal nurturing of both these hemispheres for a fuller and a more meaningful existence.
The first step that must be taken to harmonize the practical and the romantic within you is to know your real self. This is what is going to bring genuine stability, happiness and satisfaction in your relationships. Be aware of this spiritual wisdom as it teaches you to recognize and maximize your relationships as opportunities for growth and self-discovery. Maintain a confident sense of self despite aging, misfortune, interpersonal conflict and life’s many other hardships. As you walk through the corridors of your life, you know that what really gives dividends is a combination of humility and team-work. Aggression and assertiveness defines humility as a rather romantic notion so it is more difficult for the intrinsically practical souls to adopt the softer option of humility. The paradox here is that the humble recognize and reach this ideal amalgamation faster as teaming up with others is for them as vital as life itself!
For those who wonder if any tangible steps to making this permutation real are there, well, yes there are:
Listening to the other without interrupting. Interrupting when someone else is speaking creates barriers too high for humility to cross. Give others this right to speak and you will easily listen your way to a higher spiritual self!
Showing sincere interest in one another’s careers and dreams. Listening passively is like asking a visitor if he’d prefer to have a glass of water and then making no attempts to get it for him. Go ahead and establish an empathic relationship with all your communication moments. This is a rather practical aspect and be good at it.
Equally dividing tasks to foster team-work. Whatever you are doing where someone else is involved, the moment you offer to be an active participant in the task at hand, you’ve actually taken one strong step towards becoming a real contender for the ideal DPDR. Let me take an example of a married couple here. When one partner is expected to carry a disproportionate amount of chores — especially when both partners have careers — the other individual is communicating a sense of privilege or entitlement within the relationship. This is true between two friends, two students, two employees… and even two strangers who just happen to meet.
Complimenting rather than criticizing. Habitual criticism suggests that you feel that others are unworthy of their commitment, and need to work harder to “earn” your affection. Let compliments flow in a genuine consistent way to make your relationships practical.
To understand the link of the spirit of romance and the distinctive march of practicality, it is essential to learn to respect them both. A spiritual upward spiral is simply not possible without a healthy merger of the two. Live life ‘dimaag se, dil se…’ and don’t forget to talk about to spread its goodness.
[Arvind Passey]
[March 2007]
Published in PrepTalk, March 2007
